There were people in the world who would think Angel Dumott Schunard was the last person to go to heaven. They thought that God didn't care about her. That she was a sinner, and like all sinners, would be sorry when her time came.

Angel had no way of knowing whether or not this was true, but somehow, she could never believe it. It seemed strange, to still love a God who seemed to turn it's back on her so cruelly. Maybe she had done wrong. Maybe her love, her marriage, her mindset was backwards in God's eyes. Maybe, maybe they were right.

But she had trouble believing He could ever send anyone to Hell.She had trouble believing that he could cast anyone aside, even if they had sinned. It all seemed so contradictory, that such a loving God could hate His children.

Angel didn't believe that. She didn't believe she was sinning, and she didn't believe God had given up on her. There were a million and one bible thumping lunatics who couldn't wait to tell her she was wrong, but how could they know, either? She had been told everything, she was going to hell, her disease was punishment for her sins. But there was no way that could be true, when she felt so blessed. If God hated her, how had she met the love of her life so by chance? Why did she have two beautiful children? So many supporting friends, no, more like family. Even Chase was a blessing in some way, he did keep her on her toes after all. And she loved him.

There was no way of knowing for sure, but Angel couldn't believe that she was going to Hell. That God hated her. No one could tell her differently.

Sometimes when he held her, she liked to imagine she was breakable. That with the slightest fall, the tiniest jostle, she'd smash. But there he was, his arms around her, keeping her together. He had strong arms, and a firm grip. But he was capable of feather touches so light she could barely feel them. She figured she must've been like glass to him in a way. She'd never been big or strong. As a child it wasn't rare for her to be called 'too skinny for her own good'. Even as an adult it stuck. But she was strong internally, standing up to her father at a young age. Braving lonely nights and dark alleys and rough men. Keeping her head even when her death sentence was printed neatly on the crumpled sheet in her pocket. She was strong.

But then she met him...and was suddenly dependent. When they fell in love she gave him everything, she gave him herself. Her independence. She stopped being able to live alone without him, stopped being able to even fathom it. But she trusted him immensely, trusted him to stay. He'd never broken it once. He stayed with her, by her side, no, deeper than that. Sometimes she wondered if maybe he gave up his independence too. Maybe he couldn't fathom it either.

When he held her, she liked to imagine she was breakable. He was strong and she was slight, he could easily break her but he never would. And she had to wonder if maybe, despite their physical appearances, she did the same for him.

Muse: Angel Dumott Schunard

Fandom: RENT

Word Count: 263